2012 ➤ Grace Jones celebrates the day she met the Queen, two months on

Grace Jones, HM Queen Elizabeth II, Diamond Jubilee Concert,

Meeting of two queens on June 4. At Facebook Ivan Antunovic adds this caption… The Queen: Tell me your secret, dear… Grace: Nightclubbing, your majesty, nightclubbing. (Photograph: PA)

❚ IT WAS A MEETING OF TWO QUEENS in their own realms… This isn’t a new photo but it was published yesterday on Grace Jones’s Official Facebook page as if the singer is suddenly chuffed to bits with the moment it captures. Just as chuffed seems to be the expression on the face of one’s monarch as HMQ greets Grace backstage following the star-studded Diamond Jubilee Concert on June 4. The official Facebook caption marks the two-month-old occasion: “It was an honour to play a part in the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations with such an incredible band… two months ago this weekend.”

Between the regal pair, the photo captures the terminally unfunny comedian Rob Brydon giving his impersonation of the nation in shock. Other videos record how his gags died the death on the Jubilee stage, but Grace’s video continues to make compulsive viewing as she twirls a hula-hoop (Why?) while singing Slave To The Rhythm, her biggest hit and title track from her triumphant seventh studio album, produced by Trevor Horn in 1985. Priceless cutaway shots of the royal box as Grace performs might have come straight from the Mel Brooks movie satire, The Producers.

The Jamaican-American singer, supermodel and actress Grace made her home in Britain after settling down with music producer Ivor Guest, 4th Viscount Wimborne. Didn’t she do well?

Grace Jones, HM Queen Elizabeth II, Diamond Jubilee Concert

Grace’s showstopper: This BBC video cutaway to the Royal Box during Grace Jones’s orgasmic act is a dead ringer for the gobsmacked audience watching Springtime for Hitler. How many astonished princesses, archbishops, ex-prime ministers and director-generals can you count?

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Grace Jones, HM Queen Elizabeth II, Diamond Jubilee Concert

Grace’s finale: Another cutaway as Grace bids farewell to her audience and becomes confused about the occasion: “We love you! Happy birthday, our Queen.” How many humourless heirs to the throne and bemused princesses royal can you count?

➢ Shapersofthe80s records how this happy breed enjoyed the rainiest Diamond Jubilee Pageant of the year on June 3

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2012 ➤ Come on, Tone! Only another 142 chart places until musical Gold!

Metro, newspaper, Spandau Ballet, Gold, Absolute Radio

Aug 3, 2012: Today’s Metro, the free city newspaper

❚ THIS MORNING’S METRO NEWSPAPER in the UK reports Spandau Ballet’s 1983 chart hit Gold moving up the UK iTunes Top 200 Chart from 165 to 143, also trending on Twitter, while, thanks to Team GB, two Gold slots were filled on the Absolute Radio “Tonyliser”. Somebody manning the signal beacon back at Spandau Towers still has a knack for PR!

➢ Check progress on the Tonyliser in the Team GB Spandathon – For every gold medal Team GB win, Absolute Radio will play Spandau Ballet’s Gold that many times on the Breakfast Show of Monday August 13.

➢ July 6 update: Gold has shot up to No 6 in the iTunes UK Rock Chart

➢ One Direction should have closed the Olympic opening ceremony, according to Tony Hadley: “They’re our biggest export at the moment, pure pop.” However, The Sun’s Gordon Smart disagrees, Aug 3: “Macca is one of Britain’s biggest living legends. Everything about the ceremony was spot on.”

➢ Latest official news from Spandau Towers

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➤ Godlike Bowie proves mortal by hailing cab in NYC — but colour coordination flawless

David Bowie, New York City, cab, paparazzi

Bowie papped as he hails a cab in New York City, April 13, 2012. How cool is that silhouette (hashtag_unpolished_shoes)

David Bowie, New York City, cab, paparazzi

Papped in sequence: Bowie hails a cab in New York City, seemingly on April 13, 2012, though online source is unclear

Remember Bowie’s 1997 paranoia about America, when Trent Reznor played his stalker?

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➢ Jagger, Bowie were an “item”, biographer claims
— Huffington Post, July 30

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2012 ➤ Ding-dong! Martin Creed wants to hear the bells, the bells

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❚ “THIS WORK CONSISTS OF trying to ring all of the bells in the whole of Britain for three minutes, as loudly and as quickly as possible for three minutes, and that includes all types of bells that you can find. I don’t know which notes are the best ones, I think it’s best just to try and to ring them all at once… It totally relies on people to make it happen.”

Martin CREED, Work No 79,Sala Alcalá, Madrid ,exhibition

Martin Creed’s Work No 79 from 1993: Some Blu-Tack kneaded, rolled into a ball, and depressed against a wall

So says Turner Prize-winning artist and musician Martin Creed, promoting his mass participation project, Work No 1197: All the bells in a country rung as quickly and as loudly as possible for three minutes.

He has been specially commissioned as part of the London 2012 Festival to help mark the first day of the London 2012 Olympics today at 08:12. If you have a smartphone you can use the Shake & Play feature at All The Bells.

UPDATE: THIS WAS THE RESULT …

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❏ Here’s the world premiere of Martin Creed’s All The Bells on board HMS Belfast, moored on the Thames. For three minutes from 8.12 this morning, hundreds of thousands of people across the UK rang bells, while HMS Belfast fired its cannons and 300 children rang bells accompanied by Ruth Mackenzie, director of the Cultural Olympiad, Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary and Channel 4’s Jon Snow. The ships of the Royal Navy and the Royal Fleet Auxiliary across the world also rang their bells. Quel ding-dong!

➢ Earlier this month Creed talked to Dazed Digital about his debut EP out on cult label Moshi Moshi

➢ All about Martin Creed

➢ In performance: Creed takes to the stage with his inimitable band at Tate Modern in 2006. “It is a talk about trying to talk,” he said

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➤ When crisis looms, send for the Bard and a little touch of Harry in the night

London Olympics, security,

Rocket systems: six London sites have been strategically selected as the best spots from which to protect the Olympics

❚ TWO WEEKS BEFORE the Olympic Games begin, London’s threat level on the government’s official five-point security scale is set at the mid-point, “Substantial” – which means that a terrorist attack is a strong possibility. Hence this week’s anger with G4S, the private company tasked with providing 10,000 security personnel, for failing to fulfil its contract. With the Olympic Village in Stratford opening in east London on Monday and Heathrow Airport saying this will be its busiest day for the arrival of athletes, 3,500 troops are being drafted in – some fresh from action in Afghanistan – to plug gaps in staff ranks and meet the shortfall to protect 100 Olympics venues.

London Olympics, security,

Helicopter base: HMS Ocean negotiates the Thames Barrier en route to Greenwich

The Ministry of Defence has already mobilised the biggest peacetime security plan ever in the UK, designed to meet worst-case scenarios. The policing operation is costing up to £600m, and plans to secure venues and other Olympic sites a further £553m. The military deployment has now been raised to 17,000, the majority performing security roles on venue gates. Others have specialist roles as bomb disposal squads and special forces and manning the controversial London missile sites.

On Friday the Royal Navy’s largest aircraft carrier HMS Ocean passed through the Thames barrier to anchor at Greenwich and provide a base for helicopter operations and Royal Marine snipers (while also being open for public visits). Typhoon fast jets will also be on alert at RAF Northolt, ready to use “lethal force” at short notice if the Olympics are threatened. Airspace restrictions around London and south-east England came into effect yesterday.

London Olympics, security,

No, no, no: Residents protest against government plans to station missiles on the roof of the Fred Wigg Tower in Leytonstone. (Photograph by Andrew Cowie)

Last week the Army began installing surface-to-air missiles on the roof of a 17-storey tower block in east London. It is one of six sites around the capital from which Rapier and other high-velocity systems can be launched. Residents of Fred Wigg Tower in Leytonstone had taken legal action to stop the security measure, saying it would make them a terrorism target. However on Tuesday the High Court ruled in favour of the Ministry of Defence, agreeing that a tower block was a suitable site for the missiles.

Londoners have lived with continual acts of terrorism since the first explosions set by the Irish Republican Army on March 8, 1973. Nevertheless, our capital remains possibly the world’s most vibrant city and probably the world’s most open city. With more than 300 languages spoken by its 7.8m population – the French community alone makes us France’s fifth city by population! – London presents a snapshot of Britain’s rich cultural masala. This place can certainly claim to be, in the words of our former mayor Ken Livingstone, “the world in one city”.

Nobody in their right mind grows blasé to the terrorist threat, but life goes on, and today, Radio 4’s topical drama strand, From Fact to Fiction, responded nimbly to the comedic and tragedic potential of the fortified tower-block. With 38 of literature’s greatest plays to plunder, you can’t go wrong with a Shakespeare pastiche in times of national drama. Two poets, W N Herbert and Clare Pollard, have written a piece of cod Bard titled Surface To Air. It imagines the residents of a fictional tower block with a missile on the roof, while a soldier sent to man the weapon considers his role defending all the Olympics stand for.

Laurence Olivier,HenryV

Olivier rallies the troops in his 1944 film of Henry V: today Radio 4 conjures up a pastiche drama inspired by the spirit of Shakespeare

➢ Surface to Air – the 15-minute drama is available for catch-up on BBC iPlayer for one week

❏ Sam Troughton plays the soldier, “the universal Atkins”, posted to Gaunt Tower in east London, his posting in Helmand fresh in the memory. His words and his name of Harry all derive from familiar Shakespearean lines pregnant with history. As he encounters a variegated cast of your actual East Enders, he rues this “nest of ingrates” while wrestling with his conscience:

Shall England be one stream of petty tears
As though its coastline were its cradle,
And all the world its old rejected toys,
And it a royal baby beating with its tiny fists
Against the frame of heaven?

He is a Bardish marriage of Ariel with Chorus, Henry of Agincourt with Old Gaunt, sent forth to deliver that little touch of magic:

I think I am a prophet new inspired
So will I pluck this spectre from the sky,
Dash it against the soil of jubilee,
Defend these others, Eden, hemi demi-paradise:
That park designed for sports perfections
Against defection and the hand of war.
That happy team of mates, that little state,
That precious stadium set in Stratford’s ring
Which serves it in the office of a wall,
Or as a moat defensive to a house
Against the envy of less happy lands,
That blessèd plot, that earth, that realm, IS England.

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