◼ THERE’S NO JUSTICE IN POP – usually where Simon Cowell is involved – until Popjustice has spoken. And the nicest thing to happen to the ubertalented act booted off The X Factor finals this weekend – two girls, two boys called Only The Young – is to be told today exactly how to plan their career by Peter Robinson, the Svengali behind the brilliant comment website Popjustice, whose whole existence is “all about giving pop precisely the amount of respect it deserves”. And that demands more real deep-down loving for the daffy world of tinsel tunes and unrequited fan worship than dishing out easy kicks to the gut. PR is The Daddy and we don’t mean patronising, we mean paternal. He is a saint and PJ is a miracle melange of twitchy gotta-dance feet and non-cynical sarkiness. The real clue is in its name.
So what can Only The Young discover today after their long dark Sunday of sobbing into their pillows because there’s no justice in TV talent contests? If they google themselves now they will find that Popjustice has rushed boldly into print with a letter of pure lurrrve and really shrewd advice drawn from years of knowing its way round the demented biz of pop.
PJ doesn’t rant on saying “They wuz robbed”. Instead it explains odd facts of life of about how a TV talent show can miscast an act, how it juggles its roster and how other talent-show rejects have shipwrecked their careers within five minutes. Then PJ tells Only The Young how brilliant they are and delivers a six-month action plan:
“Think of yourselves as a Wall’s Viennetta. Imagine that you are amazing, which shouldn’t be hard because you are, indeed, amazing. And imagine that you are in the freezer. You will still be amazing when you’re taken out of the freezer in six or eight months.”
This masterclass of pure-pop careers advice (easily worth 10% of their future contract) goes on for 1,000 words about which label to sign to, which producers to call, which acts not to emulate and which two to follow. The best tip of all is about haircuts.
Our synopsis does not contain spoilers and you really should click through to the full monty now.